If you’re like most Americans, you’re probably not aware that the World Series is going on right now. Heck, you may even be wondering what a World Series is (hint: it’s baseball). But baseball is indeed being played right now as the Texas Rangers are playing the San Francisco Giants to win baseball’s annual championship series (double hint: they do this every year). If you’re like most Americans, you also don’t care about it unless there’s a team in it that either you hate (i.e. the Yankees) or a team of lovable morons who have been terrible all your grandfather’s life (i.e. the Red Sox or Cubs). But there is a reason to watch the World Series this year for you!
Brian Wilson and his epic hobo beard.
Now you’re probably wondering what is the visionary singer-songwriter of The Beach Boys doing playing baseball at, my god, 68 years-old with an epic hobo beard? Well, that would be epic beyond dispute. FACT. But no no no, there is another, much younger crazy man who pitches for the Giants. It is this man:
Yes, this is the closer for the Giants. He’s a good closer, and I’ve sort of known of him the past year or two, but the past month or so, he’s really burst onto the scene. Let’s just say he has a strong personality. A strong, crazy personality to go with his strong, crazy hobo beard. Here’s him after the Giants won the National League pennant:
I just love that. FACT has entered my lexicon this past week. He’s so weird he’s fascinating. I look at his hobo beard—which Scott Van Pelt on ESPN refers to with a cry of “Dr. Richard Kimble!!!”—and I’m just entranced. You don’t really see it underneath his cap, but he’s sporting a Mohawk, brown, his natural hair color, and then his hobo beard is pitch black. He claims it got dark because he plays a lot of day games, which suggests that his hair can get a tan. Uh, sure. Oh, and he also called it “focused.” Yes, he was most likely referring to the hue of his hobo beard being refined by photons, but I like to believe that his hobo beard is a living entity that gives him the power to become a certified ninja in his sleep.
Yes, I just wrote that, and Brian Wilson did say that back in September (along with claiming he was fined for wearing bright orange cleats because they had “too much awesome” and carrying around a sweet cell phone).
As you can tell, Jim Rome was a little uncomfortable at the end there. I don’t believe he knew who Wilson’s friend, The Machine, was when that happened. Chris Rose on Fox Sports’ Cheap Seats certainly didn’t know when he got a very NSFW introduction.
WARNING: THIS IS VERY NSFW. FACT.
So, yeah, that happened, and Brian Wilson has been playing that up every now and again. This crazy man is playing in the World Series, and you have at least two more games to catch up on this crazy man with his epic hobo beard.
FACT.
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